Gen Leung Piano Studio, Oakville Ontario

No.

It's such a powerful word. Perhaps the most powerful two letter word we have in the English language.

First a little background on why I've been thinking about the word no lately.

Ellis has a check up today, and our doctor likes telling us stories while we're there. Today he was telling us about a study that proves that children start manipulating their parents as early as nine months old... Well Ellis is nine months old. So we laughed about it. But it's very true, Ellis lately has taken to blowing raspberries all the time. He laughs when he does it, and he thinks it's hilarious. It actually is very cute when he does it, but it's messy especially when it's dinner time! My mom knows I don't like it when he does it, and she keeps telling him "no". Andy also knows I don't like it when he does it, and tell Ellis to stop as well.

I've never been a fan of the word no. Think about it, kid hear it all the time... So much so that so many of them say it constantly as toddlers. As students in elementary school, all they hear about is rules cobtaining the word no: No running in the halls, no chewing gum, no bullying... And I'm sure the list goes on and on.

However, when I was a preschool teacher, we always used positive words rather than negative ones. For example, instead of saying; no shouting (which in a preschool class happens a lot! Happy shouting of course) we would always say to the kids: Use your inside voice.

So now that I have Ellis and he is testing our limits and trying to get away with stuff, I've become very aware of the words I use with him. I am very conscious of not using the word no. Instead when he does something I would prefer he doesn't do, like throwing his towels onto the floor or grabbing his spoon and banging it on the table, I try to tell him gently that I don't like what he's doing and that there's better behavior. And when he does something I like, I praise him for it. And he's getting it, he doesn't blow raspberries with me at dinner time anymore, and he's so happy to do things that make me happy.

I remember when I was at OISE (Ontario Institute of Studies in Education) we were told once to "ignore minor infractions". So whenever Ellis does something that I don't very much care for, I just ignore him and he responds the way I want him to.... He stops doing it. But when he gets praise for something I like, he does it more frequently.

Also, I'm one of these people who has trouble saying no. Even if I'm adamant about something, I have a vey hard time saying no. Maybe it's because I've heard it so much in my life, and I really quite dislike the word. Saying no to me, has always been difficult. Maybe the word has a strange power over me...

The word no holds so much power over us though, when we see it; we all seem to have this signal in our heads go off. Sow people rebel against it, but others do what they're told. So my question is, why is a simple two letter word controlling our lives so much?